I feel so guilty whenever I think of you. And I think about you aLOT! Just out of the blue, my mind will flood with your scent, your aura, and my heart is filled with light.
You are near yet so far away. I can’t wait to hold you, drink you in, sit with you and sip coffee while we talk about nothing, I can see it now in my mind’s eye – I drop the children off at school and hurry home to fold myself into your warmth, your beauty, your peace, your comfort.
My happy thoughts are soon stopped short by the current goings-on, by children squealing, my husband calling, the traffic hurtling by. I snap back to reality, the smile on my face melts away. But a warm ember glows within, and I protect it, my secret, it is mine and mine alone. No one could understand. No one will know.
I dream about you at night. I daydream about you during the day. What it will be like when the children are away, what it will be like when we are alone. I am ashamed. I hate myself. How could I feel this way? What kind of mother am I, what kind of parner? Should I not look forward to making memories with my family instead?
But no. I want nothing more than to be with you. You’re all that keeps me going, slogging through this daily grind, looking to the future. With you. You and me. The two of us. Alone.
How I love thee – your image and all that you stand for – my dearest, my love, my September.