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Menojis

Posted on Feb 13, 2016

A guide for all partners:

When peri-menopause or menopause (or as I call it, MEANopause) hits, this is what the emojis that I’m texting you mean:

😀 – today is a good day. I am feeling normal. Emotional outbursts may be experienced, as clearly I’m holding it all in and liable to burst at any moment!

😠 – I’m constipated. Get out of the bathroom, I want privacy!!

😡 – I’m trying to crap AND I’m having a hotflash. Close the bathroom door and be on the other side of it!!

😍 – I’m so in love with life at this moment. These warm fuzzies may turn to rage in a heartbeat so please do not talk unless you are praising or complimenting me.

😌 – feeling humble and content. Don’t rock the boat.

☺️ – feeling humble and content and having a hot flash. Do not talk.

😈 – feeling playfully wicked. May play practical jokes or mess with your mind.

👿 – angry and evil, might throw out or eat something important to you.

😉 – wisecracking, playful. This is your best shot at getting laid.

😎 – I’m handling it. But the shades are hiding my crazy.

😐 – normal state. Could go either way. Bringing me a coffee will earn you brownie points.

😆 – I have said or done something silly. You may laugh.

😝 – I have said or done something silly. Probably best not to laugh.

😔 – I’m sorry. And I’ve dropped something, can you get it for me?

😃 – enthusiastic and hopeful. Feign interest to appease me.

😖 – extremely annoyed. Run. Run away. Quickly.

😇 – holier-than-thou. Above reproach. Do not even try to throw shit at me. I am Teflon.

😁 – I’ve done something you won’t like but you need to laugh or get over it.

😭 – uber emotional. Can’t handle life today. Will cry if I drop my fork. Leave me alone.

😄 – in a good mood. Enjoy it but do not bring up anything serious.

😅 – in a good mood but having a hot flash. Don’t be offended if I leave the room – I’m just stepping outside for a minute. Yes, I know it’s raining.

😤 – frustrated. I’ve told you a dozen times already and you’re not listening. Do what I asked you to do and no one gets hurt.

😟 – I can’t believe it. I’m in shock and sad that I can’t do anything about it. You may hug me. Rub my shoulders.

😥 – I’m in shock and having a hot flash. I may cry. Don’t touch me. You may sympathize.

😙 – thank you. I appreciate what you said/did. Just say “you’re welcome.”

😚 – I’m having a hot flash and breathing heavily because my skin is burning. Don’t talk to me.

😂 – I am laughing at myself or you. You may laugh.

😑 – you are laughing and I want it to stop.

😕 – something’s not cool. I am disappointed. If you ask what is wrong I will tell you but you must NOT try to help!

😰- I am having a super hot flash and my head is melting. Do not talk to me.

😱 – I am having the hot flash to end all hot flashes. My skin is burning and I want to rip my face off. Do not talk to me. Best to leave the room.

😳 – I can’t believe you’re still here and talking to me. Please stop.

😴 – I had a crappy sleep thanks to insomnia. I’m tired. Leave me alone.

😦 – I dropped my fork. It’s okay but nobody move, unless you’re picking up the fork.

😧 – I dropped my fork and nobody’s getting it for me! I may spew profanities.

😲 – I’m dead inside. Pretend I’m not here.

😏 – I’m an ass. I know it. But it’s hormonal and I apologize now because it’s only going to get worse. I will understand if you leave me. Heh.

😒 – I can’t believe you’re threatening to leave me if I don’t go get some help. You know what would help? If you LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

😫 – LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

😣 – Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

😪 – thank you for loving me through this. I don’t deserve you. And there’s snot dripping from my nose.