Rainbows and Dingalings
When Ryder was three, his sister forbade him to wear her bathing suits. He was devastated. He loved the one pieces – one had Dora, another had princesses, another had flowers – and hated his “boy trunks”, even the ones with bright colours. The bright green one with colourful dinosaurs was ick. The white Hawaiian shorts with pretty flowers was about the only ones he could stand, and even then they were a last resort.
So I went out and bought him a pretty blue one-piece with lovely flowers on it. It was $2 at Dollarama, which speaks to its quality. When I showed it to him his eyes danced! He was delighted, and immediately stripped off his clothes to put it on.
This was at a time when my husband was still having some issues with the whole transgender thing. He was furious with me, and said that I was giving Ryder permission to wear girl clothes. He thought that because I had bought it for him specifically, it would bolster his opinion that it was OKAY to wear girls’ clothes.
I did. And it was.
But he was still struggling with it. We hit a rough patch. I stood my ground with compromise, and let Ryder wear his one piece but only if we were at a private pool or at a secluded lake. I was worried that his dingaling would pop out – bathing suits tend to get loose when they are wet, and things may peep out! When we were headed to a public pool or the water park, his one piece would be “missing” and he’d have to settle for the white Hawaiian trunks. Luckily he’s very easy going, so it worked out. He soon outgrew the one piece and shorts were the only option.
Until last summer, when a friend’s daughter gave him a hand-me-down one piece. It has Hello Kitty on it, and he LOVES it! He got it at the end of the summer last year, and never got a chance to wear it – we haven’t been swimming since school started in September! This past weekend was the first time we were heading to a pool…
Ryder packed his things. He packed his leggings and tank top and princess underwear. Now it was time to choose the bathing suit. He was delighted that he finally gets to wear his Hello Kitty one piece! Squeeeeee!!! But, I cautioned, your dingaling might peep out. This is fine when we are at a private place, but because we are going to a public pool, he had to bring shorts JUST IN CASE the suit stretched.
We laid out all of his swimming trunks on the bed – the green and yellow stripy ones, the beautiful deep blue ones with yellow flowers, the dinosaur ones, and the white Hawaiian ones. The white ones are now too small for him, the deep blue ones are too big, the dinosaur ones remain ick, so we were left with the green and yellow stripy ones. They are quite nice, but they are shorts. Boy shorts. He turned up his nose and I said “let’s just put these in our bag and bring them along. You probably won’t have to wear them, but it’s good to have them along just in case.” He reluctantly agreed.
My worry is that he will start to resent his penis. It will be an obstruction, a nuisance, an inconvenience. It will dictate his wardrobe to a degree, if we let it. And it’s my fault. I did that. I made him bring along the shorts just in case. It turned out that the suit did NOT stretch, and his dingaling stayed put the entire time. It was aided by the strap from the life jacket, of course, but even without the jacket everything stayed put. If you looked closely you could see that yes, he definitely had a “package” and was not a girl, but who cares? Ryder doesn’t! Why should I?!
It’s time to rip the netting out of his shorts and sew it into his one piece.
I’m such a dingaling…