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Oh! Canada…

Posted on Jul 1, 2016

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all of us command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

This is wrong on SO many levels! Not the least of which is “native land”. What? The Oxford Dictionary’s definition of “native” is “A person born in a specified place or associated with a place by birth, whether subsequently a resident there or not.”

I wonder what percentage of those singing this song are ACTUALLY born in Canada? Maybe 80%? That leaves about 6.7 million Canadians who are not “native”. It’s not MY native land. I’m an import, brought here as a young child without a say in where I went! I am ever grateful that my parents chose to move to Canada in 1970, but had that not happened, would I be Canadian right now? Probably not.

Command? COMMAND?? Hey, Canada, you can COMMAND me to do taxes, but you can’t COMMAND my love. You can EARN my respect, you DESERVE my love, but COMMAND? Um, no. Just, no.

Glowing hearts? Er… only if you live near a nuclear plant. My heart is full, it swells with pride, it’s loyal and true, and it’s happy. Glowing? Notsomuch.

How are we the “true north”? Is there no place else on earth that is north? Are all the other countries just pretending to be north? Iceland? Norway? Is one “truer” than the others? That goes against what our country stands for: inclusion!

Strong and free. Sure! We’re strong (willed) and free (to write about all our limitations and oppressions). We are free in more ways than most of the rest of the world. Except in Quebec. You’re not free in Quebec unless you speak French. Don’t put up an English language sign for fear of getting stoned in the village square!

We stand on guard for thee? BAAAHAHAHAHA! Only if you pay us! Even then, meh, we don’t feel like it. The Canadian navy has 8500 personnel and the US navy has 317,000, according to the article HERE. We’re so welcoming that we’d rather just sit on the shores and wave the foreigners in. And that’s the way we like it!

God will NOT be keeping anyone’s land glorious and free. God is the reason people are fleeing the wars in their own countries and looking for safety in our laps! War-torn mayhem, children dying, cities annihilated. No thanks, God, we’ve got this. We’ll take care of it, you inciteful schmuck. Love they neighbour, my ass…

Our fries are French, our nannies are Filipino, our railroads built by foreign workers. In my house right now we are Finnish, German, British, and who knows what else. Native blood runs in my son’s veins, an invisible contrast to his blonde hair. My sister-in-law is Chinese, my step-mother is French. My daughter’s best friend is Muslim, and her parents are some of the nicest people I know. Our friends are East Indian, Japanese, Hungarian. Thank goodness the Swedes wanted in – what would we do without Daniel and Henrik?!

Here’s how our anthem should go:

Oh! Canada…

Our home and adored land!

True patriot love in all of us inspire.

With proud hearts we see thee rise,

The honourable North strong and accepting.

From far and wide,

O Canada, we stand in solidarity with thee.

We will keep our land glorious and peaceful!

O Canada, we stand in solidarity with thee.

O Canada, we stand in solidarity with thee… eh?